three of you miss me? Feel free to alert the rest of occassional readers and the press. My apologies for all the neglect…in my defense, I have things that also require attention like….say my books! Have I mentioned today marks the beginning of my semester 10/10, have I? Its been a long wait and its finally here and then it doesn’t feel as exciting as it should! *irony of life*. Dont know why….but wheres the pizzazz? Huh?! I feel lied to, that there were some fireworks that were to go up marking this moment….and not deadlines! That’s the bad thing about time, its unnecessary pressure, its like a gun being pointed at my head…wait…no exactly…and if the universe wont bring the excitement I just might do so myself, listening the words of those famous old men and taking them literally “You want something so bad you go get it”.
So my boy (Mr.X, remember him) and I are sitting reminiscing about those good old years, shit that’s happened. Looks like I dont have much to add, I tell him campus is not my ground, he should know judging as I have a midi agoraphobia towards my classmates, or dislike, not sure which. But he does have stories….like how he has run around town in the dawn of the night high on gin to a chiques hostel, men just have a automatic decision control in these things right. His weed stories blah blah…..I sound bored, or boring, majorly because I dont have much to trade. I Feel like I haven’t lived, in fact apart from my high school stories, all I have to go with is my stupid high stories….like how perfect I am at gangnam style when high, or how the last time I had weed in my system I was running around with my girl M like some CIA agents behind pillars….some nights. Now I feel like I should do somethings, inject some needles in my veins, strip, be a campus diva…those stupid things that when they come back to haunt me we will call them “Campus Mistakes” and no one will judge me. So I am making a list of things I might or might not fulfill within this remaining weeks and I will finally have the campus experience…here we go
1. Have a really good one-night stand with a gorgeous guy. Forget about our personalities matching up and forget about Facebooking him the next day. Appreciate the smoking hot naked body…and take some Plan B in the morning just in case, because if you did it right, you have no way of ever contacting him.
2. Do an illegal drug. Otherwise my kids will think you’re totally lame 30 years down the road when they’re all like “Mom, I bet you were so wild and fun back in the ’10s” and I’ll have to respond “well, one time I drank beer before liquor.” But no it wont be that sort of an answer, i did have some alcohol life.
3. Go to a strip club……why I want to do this, I dont know. But I think the trauma people come with from there is so bad that I have to see this…its not all rosy as in the hip videos… nee eh…its just wangeci, wambui trying to make a living? Dont I get to throw some dollar (shillings) bills at people on poles. Oh dont you even dare judge, many have heard me say if it was a clean thing to do I would be up and down a pole…..its just about embracing your sexual freedom and feeling confident, but if you are going to judge…fine…I will be going to know the enemy. So that when my husband sneaks out I know his exact limits and therefore I can throw a fair fit….still not convinced? What a bible thumping hypocrite.
4. Kiss a girl…….How many times have I said lesbianism is a lie, alot. How many times do I make it clear that I dont stand for it, alot. How many guys have asked my view on a three some….a couple….sooooo I have to start somewhere, then I will call it a phase, and that conversation ends there…even in writing it just sounds not me-ish so no, that’s a mistake am not committing to…sorry to disappoint. With that the threesome also has been cancelled, I am so selfish I cant imagine sharing anything.
5. Finally, when you are at your prime depending on which side of menopause you lie on, you should indeed take a photo of you with very little on…like so much less on. Why, so that one day when you are like fifty you can go like…”They dont make them like this anymore” lmaaoooooo as corny and desperate as that sounds.