Hi, I am subject x….. And am a music hoarder! Ha-ha! I have like volumes and volumes of music in my collection, I hear a beat I like and I want it. So “Alllllll I need is a hunkie and a beat” (cue- Beiber’s voice). I have another confession, *whispers* I love Taylor Swift. Yes, I’ll give the shock on your faces a while to sink in. Most importantly, I am in love with her music. So can someone who knows why everyone hates on Taylor Swift raise their hands and tell me why. On that list please include Justin Beiber, Adele et al. So my hoarding and Taylor Swift…no, let me finish my confessions first. I am not all wild and club-loving. I hate noise and well the whole shouting over music doesn’t cut it for me. So when it’s Friday evening and you ask me, “So what’s the plan for the evening?” I’ll say something like “I can’t wait to lie on the couch, listen to this new album I got and drink some wine”! Hence how the YOLO comes in. An idiot friend of mine tells me that, every time I sneer at his obsession with being at the latest party, fest in town etc. Don’t be confused btw, I actually do have the card for coolest…okay almost coolest kid in this side of the Sahara! *chuckles*.
Now, let’s go back to my hoarding business. Occasionally I will pick all the old music collection I have and have a music lounge session and so the other day, what’s on my play list……Taylor Swift! I sing along, I dance, I cook and then I just listen. Have you heard her song “Fifteen”? If you haven’t, stop reading, get the song…….okay now continue.
*Guitar strumming……..When you are fifteen, somebody tells you they love you, you are going to believe them…when you are fifteen feeling like there’s nothing to figure out..blah blah blah*
What were you doing when you were fifteen? When I was fifteen….I thought the coolest thing is being the popular kid in High School. I thought that came with the title of dating the captain of the boy’s basketball team, in the neighbouring school, or any school! He was a big “Douche bag” but my God I even contemplated this wedding. I made up stories etc. Leave fifteen alone……I do not even think am the same person I was when I was 20 years old. The one thing I however do not do is regret the phases I have heard in life. When I was just a prime Queen B or every single time I was a plain teen and thought my mum was just against my happiness, though an argument can be made that maybe she was….or is…but another day.
So whenever something awe-fully goes wrong in someones life and they are going through the stages of mourning, it pains me so much when they say that they will never do it again. That they wish they never tried that, that life is unfair! One of my tweeps, (@MrYoungScholar) said something like NO just means Next Opportunity. Before you point fingers I have been a victim of saying “I wish I never did that, felt that, loved like that”. We have been thereat one time. The one thing that always makes the headlines in my articles is love stories right, I should officially make this a love+relationships blog, but no, I am boss here and for the time being this is what flies! The common times this happens is when someone leaves you, betrays you (or you them, and then they leave), dehuminizes you! I mean just why would someone be that heartless right? I have been on the listening end of such conversations, occasionally, once, I have been the one who tells it. The time when it’s all grief and the only thing remaining is wearing a sack to show the rest of the world that it is that bad. When you finally understand why they call it heartbreak. That as you was I feel its like someone just yanked my heart out and is squeezing it, and you can’t breathe…too many vampire movies? No? Do not even judge if you have never fell in love. I say it finds you when it does. Then we all say, he was just the one for me, I can never love again. For me, this charade ended like a week later, I finally took my earphones and plugged them in and an hour passed, then two then I told myself “I am going to be okay”.
Life is quite fair. Thing is do you know why they say you never forget your first, it has nothing to do with them being the one, but more to do with the fact that it is the first. Like when I take a blade and slice my skin….the pain! For the first time it will be unbearable, I will cry over it…but when I do it over and over again, well I do get used to that sort of pain…notice how the suicidal tendencies become a routine? No? It doesn’t mean that you love someone else less; it just means that you can handle it all better. Ah there was a song for this part but that’s what happens when I think of an article and write it two weeks later…the spark and zeal fades.
Humour me for a bit here, think back, think hard! To that first person you loved, liked crushed on, first relationship, number of times you were rejected or let down. How it felt like….when you couldn’t answer the phone, draw the curtains, leave the bed and all you could do was mourn. Where are they now? Yes they, who broke your heart that badly! Do you know? Do you care? That life you thought was over, is it? Are you still that sad? Do you still watch re-runs of the Notebook and cry over it? That was a bad day, week, month and look at you know! All that time has passed and you have already managed to love again, right? Maybe and lost also. You have become a different persons…or people..hehe what can I say, I hear Schitzos are born out of tragedy. Could you honestly say you will glow like this that day under that blanket with your red puffy eyes?
If it’s time to love, give it your all. If it does end and it’s time to grieve, no one blames you, I know I won’t. I am just trying to say that it is one life and yes You Only Live Once. I choose not to waste it over something that happened in the past. A heartbreak is not that bad after all… That aside, all the great things that are born out of a heartbreak…..like a very hot guy with a grin to kill for (squeals), a new circle of friends, a great body because he once said he thinks your arms are sort of flabby and you went on a revenge diet and killed yourself on the treadmill, or more importantly Adele’s 21 or The Script’s Science and Faith or Breakeven looooooool! I mean even I could feel their pain over the music….and the music was good.
Get sad, break a glass, call me over and ask me to come with 1kg of white forest cake and lots of alcohol. When all is said and done, when you regain your sanity, the beauty you find in it is you survived. I have heard that the root of pain is beauty. So you lost yourself to your emotions for a bit, they ruled, what’s the crime in that? Do you know how sad it is to go through life without feeling things passionately? Life goes on, and if you just give it time, if you just give everything time, they heal. Point is a heartbreak is a bitch, but she is one bitch that leaves a pretty reminder when she goes!
*guitar strums….I found time can heal almost everything….you might just find who you are supposed to be, I didn’t know who I was supposed to be….at fifteen” END!
TO BE AN IRISH IS TO KNOW THAT THE WORLD IS GOING TO BREAK YOUR HEART! (That is how I YOLO!)