Of Gowns Et AL……

Ladies and gentlemen, I finally graduated!!!! Okay…I have gotten enough congratulory messages and if you all simply won’t acknowledge me, I don’t care either! Oh yes I did, I am now officially an alumni, simply that until I decide to go back to school, which is not anytime soon. This article is written exactly on Friday, when it gets posted though…that would be decided judging as the next days are a bit too packed, my party tomorrow…which I am looking forward to very much. Then like 2 trips ahead, I am glad I am not working…my boss would have never given me this number of days off.

I seem excited right? Yup, I sort of am…sugar rush? The presents I have gotten so far are just chocolates…and alcohol…but I am sober for my party so all I am doing is eating chocolate, thinking about more presents, and listening to family talk, it is fun! It almost seems like am back to being 7, only difference is my taste got expensive with age.

I didn’t attend my graduation party. I decided not to. Will I tell my kids this part, probably not? I had my reasons for it, which I will indulge in a bit later. At some point I almost changed my mind though, I mean my grandma was so proud of this whole shenanigan I felt a bit guilty for making this decision so rash-ly. I called my daddy up, asked if it was under my influence or he really did want to go, he made a speech but bottom line was it didn’t matter…the ceremony does not change much does it. From how my mums (oh yes, I get two of those) talked all through this week they also had this “but” going on, like they wanted to go…but I didn’t. So what do I do, I keep a lot of grown up friends, I talk to one, I tell him am not going. He is shocked!

Who doesn’t go to their graduation?

Me…ME! Yes, me…

He does not ask why. He jumps right on it. He lists all the reasons why;

For family (I tell him Ill tune in on TV and they will be able to catch up)

 For the ceremony (well refer to previous answer)

For friends (ummh, I don’t like my classmates enough to call them friends…)

He gets shocked for a bit, who says things like that anyway….ME! He is almost giving up I can tell, so he simply says that in all those years he has known me, the one thing about me is once my mind is set on something, no one can change it….Damn right, just ask my ex…once I had my mind set on him, it took an asylum or a restraining order threat for me to let him go….haha am kidding….or not *evil grin*

So he finally asks why…I actually do have solid reasons which make sense in my head and for me, only that is enough.

1.      My friends….the whole bunch I actually regarded as besties throughout campus aren’t here. For reasons best known to some lecturers and them, they aren’t here. My best friend is not here and I want to sit in that graduation square and laugh with her over stupid things, or sneer over some…and for some, those I burst numerous hours with in that library, what about them…I am an extrovert to some degree, but when it came to campus I only made a handful of friends…and I did not see myself enjoying this day with the rest. I can fake a smile, but…

2.      The ceremony…I don’t see an added value it brings. All those speeches and the crowd, my, and my agoraphobia! Never!

3.      I am simply a rebel with a few things to prove

 I do know the whole conversation just ended after a push and pull, a lot of pushing from me and one person called it amazing…how I am able to see much at a different angle…that flattery line didn’t get him anywhere anyway.

I decided to take my grandma to my school however; I took a couple of pictures at the spots I vowed to never to take pictures ever. I wore those neck things, those that glitter…oh yes, peer pressure! Everyone had one on and I just felt like my photos might be a bit dull without them, peer pressure! We had fun, except my niece…jealous kid, she started crying over the fact that it was me with gifts coming my way, she still is fussing, I don’t care this time…this once I am selfish and I am not apologizing for it.

 The best part is I got my parents in one picture frame! Not even my birthday or Christmass does that. Can I graduate twice….anyone? Please?

 I am exhausted; I lost my train of thoughts on my original story. Oh my original story was why I missed this ceremony but I will talk about something else.

 I love when chances for new beginnings come across, and for me, this graduation is one. I feel like I was stable on two feet but someone dragged the rock my other foot was resting on and now I am balancing on just one. It is scary but it is adventurous and I love these. I love to lunge in unknown territories and why do I feel like I am balancing on one foot…because this once I see it as me being alone. I simply missed my graduation because important days like this, I want my solitude. I want to see who noticed my absence as well and how they react to it…one did, she found it ridiculous…she is a keeper! I am keeping her. She called a lot of times, even after the ceremony maybe hoping I would say “You have been punked! I was here all along”  I want my solitude to review it all and see what I have to change. Five years…I am grateful for those five years. The laughter, the tears, the friendships…all I have experienced through it all. I have grown, wow, I have grown mightily…for me my best days now are simply those that I smiled without something extreme or special happening. Those 5 years…I will take the best and the worst as well with me wherever I go.

 

Someone told me the beauty of a chapter ending is the mystery of a new beginning; I cannot help but think about what it holds for me. I am sure I will work through it. Happy weekend to all of you…..when I settle down I will tell you about how it all went.

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