Pages of Her Diary

It’s a breezy windy night. She shudders and wraps her scarf around her. He is a bit late but for some reason she is not worried, she knows he is going to show up. He has been sending her the sweet nothings sort of texts the whole day so he is going to show up. She smiles to herself as she thinks of how they even met…a month down the line and they are here. Two strangers and a smile and they are here, on a first date. He however doesn’t share the same thoughts with regards to the time period, he puts it to a year earlier, but not for her…though she is amused that he remembered that long ago, her heart flutters.

Where are you?

A few minutes away from you…. with a smiley on the top

See, she was not worried as to him showing up, other things were on her mind that night. She decided she is the girl who will always be five steps ahead of a situation, whatever it was. It got her in a lot of troubles, a lot of times, but she could live with it. She always wanted to know how it all ends before it even starts. She recalls the first day she officially lay her eyes on him, pasted on her mind. There will only be a few days in her life like that day, she fears. She was a mess from another wrong phase! She was mad and he was there, and he was smiling. She brushed it off and walked out. Thinking about it now, she is amused that he still waited even after her exit. She smiles again, seems to be a common thing with every time he crosses her mind. See why she was thinking five steps ahead, because she wanted to know what about him breaks her heart, what puts him on the same level as the others that have come before, what exactly makes him human.

She was on the phone a few minutes before he showed up, and quickly hangs up suspiciously. Only she was recounting events of him to some one else, someone who understood her better. She scared her and she wanted an assurance and she called someone up, she needed someone to tell he she was still human and she was on earth and he was real.

I think you are going to love what I had in mind!

He says with a sense of pride, she sneers and avoids a peck on the cheek as she heads to get in the cab so they head off. Truth is she wants him lead her to the cab that she wouldn’t mind. It’s too soon to be fragile in her opinion, it’s only the first date and she therefore chooses to open her own doors. Truth is she knows she is going to love whatever he set up because even if it was just a ride in this cab around the whole city with him, that would be enough…she however does not make that show. She turns to him and smiles.

What? He asks

She looks away pretending not to know what his question is about. She keeps her eyes to the trees as they quickly pass by and she soon closes them. He is saying something but she only hears him from a distance. She doesn’t want this so much. Earlier on the phone she kept asking her what happens when it all ends, she believes it is going to…and the best the other she comes up with is she will come and pick it up from there but she should just enjoy it from there. She can almost tear down because of that, the part that he won’t be waking up next to her every day.

A song is playing, it’s a hip hop song, a hip hop song to a girl and she loves the song. She says something about it. He is amused because he doesn’t take her for a hip hop girl, but also he does love the artist too much. It is their song. To the present she hears that song and she wants to do something about it…but that’s for later. For now, that is a song they both love.

The beach….that is what he had in mind. She is amused because she does not swim as much, all that skinny dipping, that might just be a break point of all this. He takes her hand…yes he takes her hand as they walk down to the beach and walks her to the point where her toes are in the water. He says something as funny as if they wait long enough, the moon will drag the shoreline halfway and they will be able to get in the ocean without her swimming. She really laughs at that, he is funny and she likes that about him.  He likes that he gets her to laugh that much, the whole day he had been flirting with her and she had been smiling and blushing  but she only laughed now.

The wind is blowing across the beach, she shudders again and he pulls her closer and frees his hand from her to wrapping the whole of her! She does not want this! Her heart beats faster and she knows this is not how it should be going, something is moving too fast! Too fast and soon he is going to want something back from her…soon all this is not going to be as it was and she wants to hold on here longer. The wind is blowing across the beach and with it blows through her hair, he adds onto this moving his fingers through her hair. She can tell he is looking for something in her. She tries to hold on to her strength a bit longer. His embrace is compromising this though, the minute he held her that close, her morals and ideals were at a disadvantage!

The minute he held her close to him, all her walls almost came down. It was that spark they talk about in all those romantic comedies that promise you a happy ever after. She giggled to this because every time she recalled how they met it was almost like she is telling an excerpt from a romantic comedy. He runs his hands through her hair and raises her chin up. He wonders where her mind suddenly wondered too! She wished he knew, she knew it was that simple to explain it all. That feeling you get when you know this person is meant to  hold your hand on many more dates or walks….or in your head down an aisle…that feeling you get until you get to find out that they are just coming out from a bad relationship and for them, all this effort was just about a little quickie, or that they have a child somewhere else with a girlfriend and well he liked you but that was just it….it was simply electric, like a pulse, and the bad thing with a pulse is it only lasts a second!

He raises her chin to him and wants to read her mind…but it’s his gaze she avoids too much. She feels like all this is her being pushed in her corner! Holding her chin up locks his lips with hers in those kisses that draw you in…And when he stops she feels like her stability went with him.

I like you…I have been saying that for the past one day but you never say anything back, I wonder why.

The wind blows hard across and almost lifts her dress off! She looks at him straight in the eyes, one long look, one hard look and then she stares back right out into the ocean…all that vastness but she simply stares. Everyone needs her strength at times but this time she was wrong about being too strong and she knew it. She just knew she wanted to wake up next to him when the daylight came and have him smile at her. She knew that months down the line she still wanted him to make her heart skip a beat like it was now, and have her laugh so hard that it made her ribs hurt. She knew he offered that romance but she wanted a forever in that romance, she was a believer in that romance but she was much more of a believer in the forever. She wanted a surerity, the way she was digging in her toes in the shoreline but trusting the moon would keep the tides away and therefore it would keep her safe! It all broke her heart, all that was in her mind. They want to know what breaks her heart, how he breaks her heart? This is what makes him human, that she wanted more than he could assure her now.

I know. She says

I noted the 1st time you said it, and I know you have said it a lot but if I say it back, where does it leave us anyway?

You mean where it starts us? He corrects her

She turns her head to look at him, to trace the honesty in his stare. The first time she does this….the wind blows again and she shudders one more time.

It’s cold out here, she says, let’s get going.


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